The Black Widow

Give me a taste of it… it’s seasoned, savory and yet mostly sweet.
I have wanted it a long time…
that longing from within …
An echo beyond the loins…
Empty.

Don’t make me take because I will…
My flair for warfare taunted into action
I instead was hopeful for oppression
Alas my kind can only conquer,
We weave webs of deceit and self gratification
There needn’t be smoke and mirrors
Why must you make me?

Be myself, true to my inner core, animal instincts, bare…bare minimums …down to earth that then turns to nothing.
 I weave around you translucent threads of pleasure as you endure.
Longer than you thought you could.
That which they have called monogamous.
 I the widowed queen and you my willing subject of amusement in a hellish moment best spent under covers.
You my dear are fortunate to be alive, heavy panting, these your only breaths.
You are tattered and yet…you remain close.
Not as an enemy but as a host to wild ramblings and imaginations
 Self imprisoned in a well padded snare you well knew was there.
 To be fair I brought us here.
 Without a care I warned I would take what ought to have been mine.
Normality restored as you my subject and I your queen. 
#TSKC

Rush

In this life.. I’ve gone through things…

Some grotesque some surreal …

Like an endless movie reel

Life is persistent

 Rolling credits even when they aren’t due.

 It’s just like me and you …

You brought out feelings I couldn’t subdue..

Feelings got sticky and messy like misused glue turned into goo

 Those are my legs turning into jelly

 Just brush past me one last …time

I promise my palms won’t get too sweaty

I’ll seize to be petty about how I am like putty in your hands

 About the ‘who’s- who’s’ and us… if it’s there

 Let ‘us’ rush

 Time waits for no man or woman so I feel even less empowered

Just rush

Let our emotions crash as we ride on that hot wave

Stirred deeper than lust…

We know each other

But we’re out of time …

That is why we must rush..

Do not tarry any longer

We must have each other ravenously…just rush..

Rush towards us

Rush for me.

#TSKC

Poetry From Way Back Then Pt.1

I wrote this back in 2010, barely two years after my sister's death. 

It was a dark,confusing and painful time. 

Worse yet it was a time of faithlessness.  

Here's one snippet of my many my internal fights:

My Internal Ying &Yang

Where there is evil there is good

Where darkness dwells there light to illuminate it

Where you feel love you feel hate

When you revenge you feel remorse

Where there is pure goodness evil is ready to take its place

When I’m happy the darkness creeps in bringing me back down that path

The path...

The path of deep rooted sadness within

How do I stop it?

I keep debating

Should I stop it?

Do I need these emotions?

Do I really want to feel??

If I let it engulf will love ever beseech me again

Its tentacles threaten me

They move suggestively

They entice me

I debate even more so

Do I really truly want to know?

Oh how beautiful the feeling of blackness can be

I know not if I still know the true meaning of beauty

Its version is much more sinister

Perverted and twisted is my new mind

Leave me alone I shout

The light listens

So pure end considerate it can be in such dire moments

You do not even try to dance suggestively

Am I this worthless to you?

You won’t bother to seduce me?

Curses from the grave! For in the pits of my soul I crave goodness

Regardless of how empty and void I may be

I know not what it will be....

I know not how to be

One without the other

Can I love without hate?

Can there be light without darkness

And darkness void of light

Can I be joyful without the slightest sadness?

Complex Complexities

Hello there… just as we get acquainted … I need you to know I AM A COMPLEX BEING.

My thoughts and actions are easier said than done to decipher.

My spontaneity?

Unpredictable naturally just as the very word implies

 It may seem as though I over think, over analyse or over-stand…

That I see the invisible and non-existent

But you must know this by now even before my name

Before the multitude of hallucinogens

 I AM A COMPLEX BEING! 

Neither shall I show the real meaning of a light nod or expression…

The race ran by my ambition based solely of cognition explored with pen as sword

My eyes are not gorged out…with a simple pout it is clear…there’s disapproval in the air a slight whiff somewhere

You scratch your scalp simply because the little hair left has been pulled out…

Comprehension of this creature this being is STILL beyond you even if I behave the most polite

 I must beg that you find it clear…

My name is Stephanie and I AM A COMPLEX BEING.

The Supernatural Love Complex

Not that SUPERNATURAL....

Adulthood means absolutely nothing until you become a parent. Until then we are childlike still self absorbed, narcissistic and selfish with our heads up our rear ends. True maturity begins when you bring something living into this world. Not your creation but Gods’. You count for very little until you can feel the very livelihood of another human as being dependent on your own, until you can be last or even skip a turn purely for the joy of your own. There lies the factual challenge.

Getting Parenthood right however is an entire book plus three sequels or so I have heard.

I wouldn’t know of course, I am yet to qualify for this heavenly responsibility. This is purely from observation and the accounts of well matured parents, my own included. 

My Claim to PARENTHOOD

I can relate in that when I think about my niece and nephews; I may have not been pregnant with either of them but to my credit have watched them grow, changed their nuclear bomb like nappies, read them their most favourite and yet painfully tedious bedtime stories, fed them mush and wiped it off me once they have regurgitated it onto my favourite t-shirts, the works.