The Black Widow

Give me a taste of it… it’s seasoned, savory and yet mostly sweet.
I have wanted it a long time…
that longing from within …
An echo beyond the loins…
Empty.

Don’t make me take because I will…
My flair for warfare taunted into action
I instead was hopeful for oppression
Alas my kind can only conquer,
We weave webs of deceit and self gratification
There needn’t be smoke and mirrors
Why must you make me?

Be myself, true to my inner core, animal instincts, bare…bare minimums …down to earth that then turns to nothing.
 I weave around you translucent threads of pleasure as you endure.
Longer than you thought you could.
That which they have called monogamous.
 I the widowed queen and you my willing subject of amusement in a hellish moment best spent under covers.
You my dear are fortunate to be alive, heavy panting, these your only breaths.
You are tattered and yet…you remain close.
Not as an enemy but as a host to wild ramblings and imaginations
 Self imprisoned in a well padded snare you well knew was there.
 To be fair I brought us here.
 Without a care I warned I would take what ought to have been mine.
Normality restored as you my subject and I your queen. 
#TSKC

Purple

I think about you, more often than I should really!

As my thoughts saunter between the lines that define that shirt you wear so well…

Purple rain I wish we could dance in

Purple lies as we ride into a lavender peppered sunset

A finish fit for royalty

That sly side smile when I thought I knew you’d walk a mile just to please me

But you waited, No, No, not in a good way

I stayed hopeful that you would, that you still might

But trying as it may have been all we did was fight

A battle of faith, your actions versus the unseen intentions of your heart

Even though we stand apart I hear ‘its’ call,

It whispers, “stay with me Stephanie, won’t you stay?”

It groans, “Fill me, I’m empty”

I say drink me to your fill

Get drunk and giggly, joyful and stupid

My love flows closely to eternity its river far from dry will it be

Dregs have been sustained by endless memoirs of moments

Morsels of moments spent so passionate, beyond tender.

My soul’s intent is fodder to your last steps

‘It’ murmurs hungrily “I love you”

#TSKC

Rush

In this life.. I’ve gone through things…

Some grotesque some surreal …

Like an endless movie reel

Life is persistent

 Rolling credits even when they aren’t due.

 It’s just like me and you …

You brought out feelings I couldn’t subdue..

Feelings got sticky and messy like misused glue turned into goo

 Those are my legs turning into jelly

 Just brush past me one last …time

I promise my palms won’t get too sweaty

I’ll seize to be petty about how I am like putty in your hands

 About the ‘who’s- who’s’ and us… if it’s there

 Let ‘us’ rush

 Time waits for no man or woman so I feel even less empowered

Just rush

Let our emotions crash as we ride on that hot wave

Stirred deeper than lust…

We know each other

But we’re out of time …

That is why we must rush..

Do not tarry any longer

We must have each other ravenously…just rush..

Rush towards us

Rush for me.

#TSKC

Things that I wish I could say…

I look at the past and yearn for the present...thoughts of the past consume me. It’s not that I wish that it could be, once again it’s more like an imprint of you, interconnections laughs, smiles and pet names. Future plans of babies and migrations…Certainty of you, me, and us in one vicinity. I once thought that you were into me…so deep…deep enough to drown and resuscitate yourself but alas we were a sinking ship, doomed from the get go, the feelings lost flow when you let go of the us and let parts of you be with someone new. So where does that leave me? Licking my wounds, licking my fingers for comfort, flicking over any stray in my fortress. Walls, made high, strong,  a whole new moral high-ground made standard. Once … I was stranded but Ndabho… flashback memories fill the blanks as I get blinded by the light of my photographic memory, one day you’ll only be the past of me, my behind as I recollect minus the regret of the meetings and fleetingness of what was then a romance. You now know my thoughts and recollections One day I will forget your very impression...on me, I will forget what could have been. Only then I shall cease to care.

Let it Go!

There’s something nostalgic about meeting someone from your past, it could be an ex-lover, friend now turned enemy/ stranger, (Some Gotye anyone?) or simply a childhood neighbour you knew before you could barely count to ten. Something about that past and present fusion or how dislodged your lives become because of the time apart. Progress, regression, lightning speed and snail like paces. Changes and then like a cruel joke similarilities in experiences of previous, love, loss, slow healing and failure. And yet with a good friend even with as much as 16years of time apart almost half my life (just kidding, I’m not that old…honest!) I met him. My childhood crush, it’s ridiculous to blush at this right but I guess I’m blushing more at the very thought of him reading this (what have I done?).

The past is just alluring, well at least if it’s the good kind, an ex boyfriend perhaps, loose ends and a wedding on the way. (how this is a good thing I’m not quite sure yet)

We have a tendency to hold onto things we know we should be letting go off; a bad habit, an old flame, past mistakes, a grudge. We ball our fists grabbing tight onto things that could have been. What ifs and maybe ‘babies’. What we should be doing instead is something more noble and movie-like, lighting a Chinese lamp or something, letting the ‘then’ of your time be just that; light and feathery instead of heavy and haunting.

Let go of that nonsense that has you second guessing your future ability to conquer, succeed or learn from your past (which is what experience is for). Let that shit go honey, its dead weight and only makes you feel awful, where’s the fun in that?  How? Just stop! Stop obsessing on what could have been, whether you fell off a lucrative career path 10YEARS ago, or were a size 8 and now a 20, deal with your CURRENT. Just when you’re about to think in reverse again, ask yourself this, “Is there anything I can do to change or adjust it RIGHT NOW?” if your answer is ever ‘No’, then in the words of Alexandra Burke it’s time to LET IT GO Go GO, let it ALL GO!!