Someone Had To Say It…

Hi there, it is I again and I have some ranting to do, so here I go.

I have tried long and hard to ignore the mass media’s responses and the mockery Pentecostal churches in Harare (and Zimbabwe in general) have received in the past year (probably more).

From twitter parodies to blogger sarcasm, people are talking, they are talking a lot, hell they cannot stop talking! Given the ‘theme’ these ‘organizations’ have been running with one would think the attention is any promoter’s wet dream, well it is. Never has there been a time in the history of Zimbabwe’s’ everything, has there been such a bright and scalding spotlight on Religion that is Christianity and in that I mostly refer to the Pentecostals. Well one could not possibly forget how popular the nature loving Apostolic churchgoers were for a while but I can bet you a gallon of ‘muteuros’ they never got this much exposure.

One might say “hey! they are running an honest business let them be”, to this I’ll kindly ask you to excuse my French as I go ballistic…that is in full essence a freightliner’s load of warm, stinky BULLSH*T! The nation smells it too. My commentary about this is not going to be for the faint-hearted or self-righteous, so I suggest you open your mind, pay attention and take your judgement up the high road!

I am a Christian, a proud one at that and yet these new ‘establishments’ and their infamousness has managed to taint the very term, Christian; defined as “a person who has received Christian baptism or is a believer in Christianity, further defined as “the religion based on the person and teachings of Christ”.

Now I am not going to bore you with history you can use your Bible for that. The last I checked Jesus is THE CHRIST and therefore churches exist to mass celebrate that in fellowship, love, peace and happiness the works right?!

So how in the HELL did we end up with churches in Harare turning into Entrepreneurial endeavours? I’m all for the ‘Prosperity gospels’ but Jesus didn’t write those.

I also do not remember the commandment

 “Thou shalt be a broke-ass”   either. So where does that leave us? With one Word that our various Pastors, Bishops and Leaders have either forgotten or tossed aside.

HUMILITY, also known as meekness, modesty, reserve and you have to love the irony in this one mildness, which implies the term moderation. I love that we are encouraged to succeed in life and be prosperous so we can fund the gospel, I also am fully aware, that the Church does not run on prayers alone; that money in offerings and Tithes need and must be collected. I also do not want my Pastor broke, poor or a sorry sight at the brink of poverty because that would distract me and make me wonder how the Lord could provide for me and not him. If my pastor was say obnoxiously rich, a publicly big spender, a bragger and sorts that would be very distracting too. It would either inspire my undying adoration towards him or typical resentment, a clear barrier to my Salvation or Spiritual growth.

However if there was a balance, perhaps a ridiculously wealthy Pastor who spent time harnessing our God given potentials of greatness through God’s Word AND all this with his how-ever-shaped head placed firmly on his shoulders and feet firmly to the ground?! This would be amazing and something along God’s plan for the Church AKA Kingdom of God.  That is precisely what we need, not arrogance nor egotistic behaviour, just Humility.  

Jesus could turn ZINWA water in Chitungwiza into a 1982 Château Haut Brion and yet he chose to ride a donkey, not a mustang, a thoroughbred stallion BUT an Ass, a dirty stinky one. He could have driven a Skyline but he did not he was too humble for any of that. We could get something from there, my well-respected and infamous Pentecostal leaders.

 God put you on this planet so you could serve HIS purpose AKA facilitate our salvation. Not to create your own hype then to surf the publicity tide in your shiny ass ‘no expenses spared’ suit at the very expense of those suffering and gullible. We were NOT placed on this planet to worship a human being whether they are self proclaimed ‘Prophets/ Prophetesses’ or God-ordained!

  What makes me sick to my stomach is the fact that some (not all) these men and women have are selected by God Himself to lead us but instead, they go off the plot. Gallivanting in Bentleys and auctioning their underwear making a mockery of God and everything the Body of Christ stands for.

Selling us dreams of prosperity as they dig deep into pockets to fulfill their own; selling indeed, instead of feeding our Spirits with THE WORD, which is FREE of charge!

Nemi wo ‘mafollowers’ munonyanya! Lapping up every drop, zvimwe muchimboita follow it up in your Bible.

 There is a reason the Lord says in Hosea (NIV) 4 verse 6 “…my people are destroyed from a lack of knowledge”.

That said, if you happen to be a Christian leader; I implore you to seek the Lord’s direction. Start a new ministry based on the Lord’s instruction not your own. When you speak, make certain you are well aware of the impressionability of the Lord’s flock you are leading, note that it is not YOUR flock!

In conclusion, I will let the word speak for its self in Hosea (NIV) 4 as verse 6 continues:

“…⁶because you have rejected my knowledge I also will reject you as my priests; because you have ignored the law of your God. I will also ignore your children.

⁷The more the priests increased the more they sinned against me; they exchanged their Glory for something disgraceful.

They feed on the sins of my people”

Enough said.

Let it Go!

There’s something nostalgic about meeting someone from your past, it could be an ex-lover, friend now turned enemy/ stranger, (Some Gotye anyone?) or simply a childhood neighbour you knew before you could barely count to ten. Something about that past and present fusion or how dislodged your lives become because of the time apart. Progress, regression, lightning speed and snail like paces. Changes and then like a cruel joke similarilities in experiences of previous, love, loss, slow healing and failure. And yet with a good friend even with as much as 16years of time apart almost half my life (just kidding, I’m not that old…honest!) I met him. My childhood crush, it’s ridiculous to blush at this right but I guess I’m blushing more at the very thought of him reading this (what have I done?).

The past is just alluring, well at least if it’s the good kind, an ex boyfriend perhaps, loose ends and a wedding on the way. (how this is a good thing I’m not quite sure yet)

We have a tendency to hold onto things we know we should be letting go off; a bad habit, an old flame, past mistakes, a grudge. We ball our fists grabbing tight onto things that could have been. What ifs and maybe ‘babies’. What we should be doing instead is something more noble and movie-like, lighting a Chinese lamp or something, letting the ‘then’ of your time be just that; light and feathery instead of heavy and haunting.

Let go of that nonsense that has you second guessing your future ability to conquer, succeed or learn from your past (which is what experience is for). Let that shit go honey, its dead weight and only makes you feel awful, where’s the fun in that?  How? Just stop! Stop obsessing on what could have been, whether you fell off a lucrative career path 10YEARS ago, or were a size 8 and now a 20, deal with your CURRENT. Just when you’re about to think in reverse again, ask yourself this, “Is there anything I can do to change or adjust it RIGHT NOW?” if your answer is ever ‘No’, then in the words of Alexandra Burke it’s time to LET IT GO Go GO, let it ALL GO!! 

Freaky Clean Up-er!

 I can’t begin to express how the process of cleaning up makes me feel, it’s probably one of those OCD by-products only...pleasurable. Some people itch uncontrollably...and I, clean to relieve myself, not in a using the bathroom kind of way BUT in a relaxing expression of emotion! Some people get therapeutic massages, listen to classical music or even take walks to release their frustrations, emotions; all in sundry BUT I blare the loudest music and rage war on the bathroom kitchen or closet instead.

 Its warfare! I literally scrub anything beige to white. To be safe me and Maneta should be kept away from the bleach I tend to erm ...over indulge; I don’t drink it, pour it onto people, use it on myself or anything like that though, so you can relax!

But truth be told we’d all be cleaner if we bleached ourselves every now and then, Carrot lite will do fine. (hahaha did you get that one?)

When I’m upset I do many things but most of the time its tie between cleaning up and writing, when I’m happy I clean, when I’m angry I’ll do my laundry so damn well.

It’s pretty creepy when really think about it now. Hell I’ll bet if I were a serial killer I’d be one of those that’d sweep the ‘scene of the crime’so damn well and people wouldn’t know it EVER happened! (MIHAHA!) I probably shouldn’t have put that in writing...now you’ll always wonder...is she? Isn’t she? Would she? Okay, okay I digress.

It feels like I’m scouring away my sorrows my problems, almost as though if I scrub hard enough all the bad things that have happened can be reversed and turned non-existent.

Cleaning when I’m angry is like throttling the person who pissed me off, only I’ve got the broom handle in full grip instead.

As the music blares from my speakers I’m having a good shout and moan about everything fucked up at the moment but only the bathroom walls get to hear me. Get to hear the truth, how I really feel...about stuff! 

It’s as though every stain removed is a problem solved. Funny thing is, it’s a stain I’ve probably seen all week, a mess that’s been nagging at my sub conscience saying “watcha watcha gonna do about it?” Then something happens and I SNAP! My cleaning artillery on hand I scrub that smug mess of the face of...of the ceramic tiles.

And then there’s the satisfaction of the glimmer, shine, sweet smell of bleach in the air. That is when I know ...I’ve WON.

I’ve conquered whatever was bothering me; the pleasure is so sweet very sweet almost as good as...! Don’t give my text that look! I know it’s twisted but I’ll bet somebody somewhere reading THIS right NOW has a freaky/ freakier way of dealing with stuff SO! Feel free to drop it the comment box, I can’t promise ‘they’ won’t judge but I won’t! Because...

 I’m a freak too!