Things that I wish I could say…

I look at the past and yearn for the present...thoughts of the past consume me. It’s not that I wish that it could be, once again it’s more like an imprint of you, interconnections laughs, smiles and pet names. Future plans of babies and migrations…Certainty of you, me, and us in one vicinity. I once thought that you were into me…so deep…deep enough to drown and resuscitate yourself but alas we were a sinking ship, doomed from the get go, the feelings lost flow when you let go of the us and let parts of you be with someone new. So where does that leave me? Licking my wounds, licking my fingers for comfort, flicking over any stray in my fortress. Walls, made high, strong,  a whole new moral high-ground made standard. Once … I was stranded but Ndabho… flashback memories fill the blanks as I get blinded by the light of my photographic memory, one day you’ll only be the past of me, my behind as I recollect minus the regret of the meetings and fleetingness of what was then a romance. You now know my thoughts and recollections One day I will forget your very impression...on me, I will forget what could have been. Only then I shall cease to care.

Once Upon a Time Crushes

I remember a time when I liked you all of you your every word however retarded hanging on every grin blowing on every… joint. I remember when I liked you gosh I do; why I don’t know, I never know half of the reasons why I like probably all the beings I’ve like, liked. Okay maybe I do, maybe there’s some deep seated taste they, you leave in my mouth the scent of their, your aura.

Does aura have a scent? Yours does. It makes me tingle, I mean ‘made’; it ‘made’ me tingle. Past tenses remember, I remember a time, very long ago when I liked you right? Because I don’t it totally shows don’t you see it? I only patrol your Facebook profile when I’m bored please note, ‘when I’m bored’. So big deal I follow then unfollow you on Twitter; it’s a sign of how much I no longer emotional affiliation with you. Your relationship doesn’t affect me … anymore!

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We had something you and I I’d sit on the grass as you serenaded me with John Legend covers as I tried to chime in the duet-like parts; blurry in focus once again I’m day dreaming of a time when I liked you and thought you did too. Wait a minute You liked me! I knew it the whole time; those deep looks you gave me, compliments that made my heart break dance against the cage of my ribs, you liked me but wouldn’t admit it to yourself. Surely it was ‘your’ denial and not mine, you had a chance to mark this territory…but you didn’t, you wouldn’t. You wouldn’t. You won’t, cowardice I’ve well assumed.

 I remember a time, it doesn’t feel so long ago now that we’re taking this little stroll down memories lost and I have unfortunately found you, them, again…at least for now.