IT’S MY FIRST TIME AND I’M A BIT OF A VIRGIN

So turns out this is my first blog entry and just so you know I will not be writing erotically the whole time But I might surprise you (I like surprises don’t you?); I feel the dire need to greet the people who may stumble upon this, quite literally (it will be a little tangled and mixed up the first couple of posts.. I hope); Hello one and all! Welcome!

Now that’s out of the way let’s get to it. When I first got the bullocks idea to write a blog I thought “I  have a lot to say I might as well put it down in virtual ink and paper”. Then there was this fear that, “who cares what I have to say?”, that fear of flopping, the horror that nobody would read it. (Come to think of it that’s the pang at the pit of my stomach at this very moment). Whether it will it be read I haven’t the foggiest but I sure as hell hope so. Back to the subject matter (I tend to drift off a lot and yes there’s a point to this diddle-doddle), FEAR! It’s just popped in my head given as a result of it I was quite literally reduced to tears by a group of girls.(More of that in the future) I’d like to believe (given my cup size DD); I’m a grown ass woman! However there are those moments when the coward within takes to the stand and all we are left with is self loathing, disgust at our inability to face those things that have haunted us maybe not our entire lives but such fractions count math proves it.  Nudged and poked at the core of our esteem, embedded cracks at our very self whatever makes us ourselves.

I have loads of fears and as a Christian this should be embarrassing, some are genuine as well as typical and most are… what some may refer to as ridiculous. Two major ones in the ridiculous department, the fear of failure (I’m sure many will concur) and the fear of not being accepted! There I said it! I like being liked okay doesn’t everyone though? It’s a true psychological weakness I acquired from years of boarding school torture. (It always helps to blame someone or something). There’s this thing about being accepted being told that even though you’re not perfect or the standard of what would be considered as normal or cool or even awesome, it’s okay. In high school I was the official outcast out law, I still am a lot, I never blended in easily, hell! I never blended in at all and we all know what that meant yup! I was the big ass of the joke quite literally, (Was and still am the buxom chick). So there’s always been that ‘thing’ where I have the need to go out of my way to be liked, damn this girl has worked hard even in instances where she didn’t have to. Like I said it’s a psychological ailment. Though my fear may be ridiculous, I’ve noted that it’s shared by many in different shapes. Hell it’s on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs or something!

‘Since the dawn of man’, people have always had a problem with accepting dissimilarity it’s like a bad hard wiring we have, as though our first instinct is to shun anything out of the ordinary and that is where I’m sure fear ferments; when we are threatened by the unusual.

And in this racy world there is so much more time for assumptions than there is for evaluations. We’re quick about everything; people have sex in public bathrooms that’s beyond evidence enough; we are even quicker to judge, to misunderstand or worse yet to disregard. We complain about limitations of time and the emptiness of life when we ignore the very variations that set our lives apart! We write off people because they aren’t convectional when we claim to be in the ‘New Age’ to be the ‘cool Generation’ and yet discrimination is right in front us we fuel the fear of the unknown! We create out casts, the in and out crowds, we determine whether money matters, clothes, backgrounds or sexual orientation! Bob Marley might have been baked on weed the whole time but I totally get that One Love song; world peace may be unattainable, Marijuana illegal but acceptance? That’s free. I totally sound like a hipster and I’m proud because I think I am a bit at heart. That’s all I’ve got for now  and if at least 10 people read this I will by The Almighty’s’ grace I will  get the energy to do this again so till you read again Ciao!!