Poetry From Way Back Then Pt.1

I wrote this back in 2010, barely two years after my sister's death. 

It was a dark,confusing and painful time. 

Worse yet it was a time of faithlessness.  

Here's one snippet of my many my internal fights:

My Internal Ying &Yang

Where there is evil there is good

Where darkness dwells there light to illuminate it

Where you feel love you feel hate

When you revenge you feel remorse

Where there is pure goodness evil is ready to take its place

When I’m happy the darkness creeps in bringing me back down that path

The path...

The path of deep rooted sadness within

How do I stop it?

I keep debating

Should I stop it?

Do I need these emotions?

Do I really want to feel??

If I let it engulf will love ever beseech me again

Its tentacles threaten me

They move suggestively

They entice me

I debate even more so

Do I really truly want to know?

Oh how beautiful the feeling of blackness can be

I know not if I still know the true meaning of beauty

Its version is much more sinister

Perverted and twisted is my new mind

Leave me alone I shout

The light listens

So pure end considerate it can be in such dire moments

You do not even try to dance suggestively

Am I this worthless to you?

You won’t bother to seduce me?

Curses from the grave! For in the pits of my soul I crave goodness

Regardless of how empty and void I may be

I know not what it will be....

I know not how to be

One without the other

Can I love without hate?

Can there be light without darkness

And darkness void of light

Can I be joyful without the slightest sadness?

The Supernatural Love Complex

Not that SUPERNATURAL....

Adulthood means absolutely nothing until you become a parent. Until then we are childlike still self absorbed, narcissistic and selfish with our heads up our rear ends. True maturity begins when you bring something living into this world. Not your creation but Gods’. You count for very little until you can feel the very livelihood of another human as being dependent on your own, until you can be last or even skip a turn purely for the joy of your own. There lies the factual challenge.

Getting Parenthood right however is an entire book plus three sequels or so I have heard.

I wouldn’t know of course, I am yet to qualify for this heavenly responsibility. This is purely from observation and the accounts of well matured parents, my own included. 

My Claim to PARENTHOOD

I can relate in that when I think about my niece and nephews; I may have not been pregnant with either of them but to my credit have watched them grow, changed their nuclear bomb like nappies, read them their most favourite and yet painfully tedious bedtime stories, fed them mush and wiped it off me once they have regurgitated it onto my favourite t-shirts, the works.

What's Your Asking Price?

How much value do you place on your life? I’m not talking about a horror movie scenario; every N*gger or B*tch for himself (respectively,) kind of situation! I mean how much value do you really place on your life? How much do you peg your quality of life? Your living standards, your family, and friends turned family? Where’s your head at on the level of appreciation you lay to various deities for something as simple as waking up on the ‘wrong side’ of yours or someone else’s bed?

I’ve got news for you it could be worse; it really really could be awful (seen firsthand) For one you could be dead, or dying, if you are dying you could be doing so alone…if you dying and alone chances are you could either get on with it OR adopt a puppy to better the process OKAY!  Life is crazy okay, it just is we end up in different places, born into various circumstances equipped to overcome the odds, obstacles that only Satan could throw your way but alas there’s victory there. Every now and then there’s a reason for a toast as you sip on whiskey on the rocks because yes you’ve ‘earned’ it!

Don’t get me wrong you’re not going to get half naked hula girls every time you do what you’re supposed to; which is to SUCCEED and conquer REGARDLESS of what, where,  how and with what! If you were wondering what you’re on the planet for ‘Bingo!’ you sure got it! It’s YOUR responsibility to attack EVERY task life has handed to you to the ‘BESTEST’ of your abilities.

So I’ll ask one more time; what value do you place on your life? When you do a mini site evaluation, what do you see? Do you like the view from up there? Are you a good piece of Real Estate or are you that haunted house down the street in need of some MASSIVE renovating slash refurbishment  worse yet are you that metal shack squatting in an over populated area?

When life wind or whatever random element you choose to hold fast to; hands you ‘wood’ instead of gold, carve it out and make something beautiful. That hip-hop track statement “show me what you working with” might have more wisdom in it that it’s given credit for. Not every female has a Phat A**, double D breasts or ridiculously beautiful features; NOT every Male has a Fat wallet, a  Mandigo penis, boyish features or Moves like Jagger in the bedroom  BUT we have to ‘Twerk’ it somehow ! So Get to it!

Rarai Zvakanaka Mudara Sam: Sam Levy Makes A Tragic Exit

The news of Sam Levy’s death comes as sudden to many and irrelevant to some. I couldn’t help but choke up just a little at the news this morning (via Twitter naturally it is the 21^st century newspaper). As I mentioned before, a few may find the loss of this tycoon unimportant but to those who may have known him personally or had even the most short-lived encounter with him, Sam Levy was not a character one would be swift to forget. He was never out of wit as he broke into occasional Shona sharing jokes with his employees at varied positions, from bathroom janitors, security personnel to his secretary and accountants.

It was tempting at first glance to put him in the grumpy old rich intimidating man category but not rightly so, as a bit of a stare would result in a slight double take. The contrast of a Jewish, Shona speaking, humble millionaire took a while to absorb and adjust to. This, however did not give room to floppy-shoddy work and defaulted payments, Sam managed to create a balance between the occasional cheeriness and that of the fierce Landlord quite well and I’m sure tenants old and new of the esteemed Sam Levy Village will concur as his son Isaac walks briskly in this path. It got the job done, clearly. 

 Sam Levy in relation to my life, was that well of wisdom I got momentary drops of inspiration that helped me set my life back on track. The random thought of His life and legacy often gets me back at that study table when I occasionally get lost again. Though I may have been irrelevant to him (I  hope not but I probably was ), it is my desire to be as much a blessing, success story and overall business Ninja like him, to still thrive at Zimbabwe’s’ worst. A man who saw potential from miles and sowed the very faith in people they didn’t have in themselves. The memory of him parking his old as he and just as classic Cadillac, waved hello and strode down Julia’s Parade to his office/ store (which up till this day has no name I’m sure), this will forever play as my fondest memory of Mr Sam Levy the, Sam the Village family had grown fond off. (he reminded me loads of Tony from the Sopranos only a nicer less mafia type…Too soon?)  After such a long and traumatic battle with Cancer, the only silver lining is he has at last found peace and rest and it is indeed the worlds’ loss. Rarai Zvakanaka Mudara Sam.